The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
