She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
