she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
