I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be naked everywhere
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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