Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
