My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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