btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
