You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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