don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
