Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
