He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
