i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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