I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
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it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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