Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
