i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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