hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
