If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
