just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
