The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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