saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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