You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'd cum for enchiladas.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
