You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
