That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
