Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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