wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
