i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
