I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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