I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's blow job season.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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