The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
