Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
