Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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