Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
