This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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