dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize