i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
