So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
