Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's Friday. Sex?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
