i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
