So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
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i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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