I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
