Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
