she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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