No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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