At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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