Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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