Cold hands, warm shart.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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