Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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