i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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