can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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