And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
