help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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