Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
