I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
