I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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