Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
