Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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