She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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