that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
