if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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