im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
