if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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