Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
