Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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