I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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