I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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