"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
