Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
