Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
