I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
