Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
