So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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