then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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