His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
