hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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