On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
