Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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