So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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